“Yes, of course I’ll have another ‘Mango Daiquiri and use the Coconut Rum.” Yum, this one I’m taking with me to the pool. I’ve been waiting so long. Hmm, let’s see…who shall I sit next too. Wow…look at me – that bathing suit fits perfect. Ahhh…there’s who I’m sitting – “What the, uh” (ring, ring ~ring) – NO please, please. “G&J Funeral Home”…oh man, 2:24 am. Voice vibrations continue outside the bedroom, then down the stairs. Okay Lynne – let’s try and pick up where we left off. Ooo the smell of coconut, my favorite scent…the SUN begins to shine in my eyes as I walk to the pooool,…wait a minute – “Thats NOT the SUN. Thats the BATHROOM LIGHT!!” Forget it. I’ll wait til he leaves.
This is my life – try to imagine this ‘Life before the cell phone AND the annoying ‘beepers! As I lay in bed feeling sorry for myself, never getting a decent night’s sleep…or dream – the guilt kicks in. Quit complaining, you’re not the one who had to call a funeral home at 2:24 in the morning.
Things are a little different now – Funeral Homes have call service companies (the service gets the call first, then routes them accordingly) and removal services (a service which picks up the body from the Hospital, nursing home, your house etc.). You see, Doctors aren’t the only ones ‘On Call. Some people don’t quite get “why” a Mortician would be on call. He doesn’t have to perform Emergency Surgery – the persons dead, why can’t it wait till morning? At least…7am. Well, several reasons. As years went by I realized how important it was for a Mortician to be “On Call.” Would you rather have your loved one in a morgue or a funeral home? Anyway, when they’re on call – your whole family is. Some wives, especially new ones; make more of an issue out of being on call then nasty smell of phemaldehyde on their clothes or – a hearse, parked in their spot! One woman was convinced her husband was having an affair – and followed him right to the ‘Hussies house. Sat outside the house and watched him being greeted by a beautiful woman. So instead of calling to confront him…she gets out of the car (in her pj’s and flip flops) and decides to play Agatha Christie . Just as she glimpsed in the living room window – up pulls a Van, she dives into the bushes petrified she had been caught. ‘Me – I would’ve jumped out of the bushes and belted out “Let’s GET THEM!!” Anyway, she sees the man pulling a gurney out of the Van and wheeling it to the front door, then realized, “BIG” Mistake. Well – those days are over for me.